The Science Wiz
I noticed our oceanfront door stood ajar,
Obstructed by something extremely bizarre.
It was shaped like a sphere and exquisitely white
And it glowed with a luster so fierce and so bright.
I picked up this object and brushed off the sand.
It felt precious and smooth in the palm of my hand.
Could it be I’d discovered a jumbo-size pearl?
If that was the case, I’d be one happy girl!
I brought my find in for a thorough exam.
Could it really have come from an oyster or clam?
What mollusk on earth would be able to bear
A gem so impossibly massive and rare?
A genuine pearl will dissolve bit by bit
If you drop it in vinegar, then let it sit.
So in order to put all my questions to rest,
I would need to conduct this precarious test…
I poured out a bowl of the acidy brew,
Which I anxiously added my specimen to.
Then I put on my most analytical face
And I watched for a chemical change to take place.
I waited all day but could still not detect
The tiniest bubbling or fizzing effect.
That sphere in the bowl, as my research had shown,
Was clearly no pearl but some worthless old stone!
I was seized by a fit of frustration and wrath
And I pulled this false jewel right out of its bath.
Then I smashed the darn thing on the floor with a yell
And I threw myself right down beside it as well.
I lay there stretched out in a teary-eyed daze
While this delicate object reflected my gaze.
It felt strangely alive and it made me ashamed
For allowing myself to become so inflamed.
It was clear that this sphere was intensely unique,
Endowed with some force, some exotic mystique.
Then a theory started to form in my mind:
I was dealing perhaps with an egg of some kind…
It was far too unearthly and weird to be classed
With any known species, existing or past.
Just one single conclusion remained to be drawn:
This egg held some extraterrestrial spawn!
I’d been chosen by fate to assist in the birth
Of the first ever alien life form on earth!
The honor was huge and I aimed to fulfill
My duty to science with courage and skill.
The brooding occurred in the warmth of my bed.
I nestled the vessel right next to my head,
Then I gave it a kiss and I tucked us both in–
The egg’s incubation was set to begin…
I slipped into slumber and into a dream–
The eggshell cracked open and out burst a stream
Of gelatinous slime, then some tentacled claws,
Then a hideous monster with sharp snapping jaws.
I awoke to a clacking and clattering sound
And my egg, to my horror, was nowhere around!
I didn’t believe it had actually hatched,
I suspected instead that it must have been snatched!
My barbarian father was surely to blame.
He stood at the pool table playing a game.
And there on the felt lay my alien sphere,
Right under his evil and menacing leer.
He chalked up his cue stick and aimed at my egg
I was sickened with shock and I started to beg,
“Please stop what you’re doing. It’s fragile, don’t shoot!
You don’t even know what that is, you poor brute.”
“I reckon I do, it’s my cue ball,” said Dad.
“Though it makes a good doorstopper too, I should add.
I found it inside of your bedroom-slash-lab…
Don’t take it again ‘cause it ain’t yours to grab!”
So I threw myself down, once again, to the floor,
Disproven, dishonored, disgraced to the core…
But if failure is progress, as scientists say,
I have moved science forward by decades today!